You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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