Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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