Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
