New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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