I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
