i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
