Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
please come you make the beer taste better
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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