Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
