you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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