spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
