I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize