so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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