in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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