how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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