That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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