I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
