So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize