dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
