***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
