Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
