I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
