Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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