why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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