it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize