I should be sponsored by Trojan
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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