Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
