3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
