There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
