If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
