There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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