I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
