I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come back. Shots need mouths.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
