I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
