But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize