He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
