It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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