Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
