I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
