3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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