It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
