I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
