Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize