thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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