Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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