I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
