You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
