You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now i know why i became what i already was.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
