Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
