Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Panties = found
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
