She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
