Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
