I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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