don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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