Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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