on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
