hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize