I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
