just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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