Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
