umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
