It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
