Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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