Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
