Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
