I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
