We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
