Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My butt remains clenched, sir.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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