Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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