smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
