my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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