Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
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