That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
