Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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