I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
