I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize