There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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