I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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