Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
