yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My pussy is not your playground.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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