yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I AM VODKA MAN
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
